dumb vegas story

I was in vegas two weekends ago and now I hate indians. It follows. Dot not feather, feather can dance and bring me rain, dot can go to hell.

crap, people may start reading this again

Now that I am finally relinked to thinking fool's blog the likelihood of readership has infinitely gone up. Now, some indian wont be the only one periodically reading it and making fun of me for being a jew. Ya, move back to Bangalore or to Oregon or something already, HATE.

The next two weekends promise to be fun and exciting. Tomorrow night we will be carving pumpkins while drinking; what could go wrong?

The weekend after that: VEGAS BABY! Sad, when I go to vegas the excitement is confined to the poker room and the sportsbook. I have heard they have clubs there and sunshine, but I have been to vegas half a dozen times and never seen either.

I am an athlete

I am an athlete. My Corporate league team where I play the vital role as last player off the bench, won our second game in a row last night. We outlasted a team of asians; I think Phillipinos, the mexicans of aisa, by two points.

What I lack in skill I make up for with my inadequate athleticism.

In this game, their best shooter met his match. He was an overweight phillimexican with awkward facial hair. He rarely moved from his position behind the three point arc. We play similar games, except that my facial hair looks sexy.

DJ Hazard

DJ Hazard is one of my favorite comedians. I saw him a number of times in Boston and then at the Borgata over spring break not too long ago. http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=77027341. At the Borgata he got a crowd of retiree aged people to join him in a chorus of "untie my ankles in the morning."

He has a bit that I have sort of adopted as a part of my every day interaction with strangers.

A stranger walks up to you and asks for directions, you eagerly give them wrong directions and if they dont thank you, you let them go on their way, but if they thank you, then you stop them and say, yes, you have passed the test, here is the correct way to complete your journey.

So, now, when someone asks me for directions, where the bank is, where the bathroom is, why the line is long, why is he peeing on me, whever anyone asks a question that is not a requirement for me to answer, I just lie or tell them I dont work here.

This of course doesnt work out so well in dealing with clients, but they tenderly point out that, yes, you do work here and yes you shouldnt lie to us or yes we will report you to the bar association.

First Trial

I had my first solo trial last week. I won, sort of, so that's good. That's not the point though. I found out the morning of the trial that opposing counsel was sleeping with his client.

Let me paint that picture for you; attorney, early 50s, 5'9, balding with remaining white hair, glasses, face apt to turn red. The client is not an ugly woman, but she is a roundish early 40s female with three kids she has yet to recover from, the oldest of which is 20.

I had a dilemma, do I confront the other attorney? Do I bring it up to the judge? Is it relevant? In this state you are allowed to sleep with your clients as long as it does not effect how you represnt them, do I point out to the judge the effect the representation had from his interest in the client?

I was cross-examining the woman. I showed her a picture of her house and three cars. Two of which were hers, the third was the attorney's, I feigned not being aware of this fact.

Attorney: Whose Green SUV is that?
Witness: Opposing's.
Attorney: How often is Opposing's car parked in your driveway?
Witness: Two or three times a week.
Attorney: Is Opposing a renter?
Witness: No, Opposingis Mr. Counsel.

Judge: Wait, who is Mr. Opposing Counsel?

Witness: Mr. Opposing Counsel, Opposing, you know, him, the guy sitting there with the glasses.

Judge glares at opposing counsel, I stay quiet for a good minute.

Attorney: Mr. Opposing counsel, this guy right here, parks there two or three times a week?
Witeness: Yes.

I wish I had gone on and asked, so what, you have him stay at your house two or three times a week? what for? Arent you worried about keeping your kids up? I mean, your daughter, she's 16, sort of hot, I mean in a jail bait kind of way, dont you worry? I mean he is an attorney, sort of a leach on society, I mean if he is sleeping with one of his clients, why not bang the daughter to? Of course, I didnt, I am an ethical individual.

Then I moved on to another topic; it was fun to at least embarrass opposing counsel a litlte bit. I mean, seriously, if you are using the fact that you represent someone to get some loving, you probably should just give up. I probably should have continued to harp on it and then ask the judge to not allow opposing counsel to continue his representation, but it is really not smart to piss off attorneys whose father's are judges and who have been practicing for 30 years on a case that deals with such a small outcome for the client.

Jew Days

Sorry if I offended or upset you in the last year. It was your fault, but I still feel bad. Please do not hesitate to let me know what I have done this year to offend, upset or dissappoint, unless of course you are asian.

Free the Juice

What aweful luck OJ has. First, he gets accused of a double homicide, goes through a lengthy trial that destroys his reputation and costs him a good deal of money only to be found innocent. Then, a jury that obviously knew nothing about the fit of isotoners made him pay 30 something more million dollars to a man's family who he clearly did not kill since a court of law did not find him guilty of killing anyone.

Then he fails in his quest to find the killers of his ex-wife and the guy whose family he now owes millions of dollars too. Every golf course, casino and strip club in the country was searched and still nothing.

Now, he is going to jail for a robbery of sports memorabilia in a vegas hotel room, that obviously he had no part in. Evidence of audio of him threatening individuals with weapons and a posse is as useful as DNA evidence on a red dyed glove.

He has to be the most unlucky man ever.