http://www.cartoonistgroup.com/properties/fuscobros/home.php
As I am now working on my own in the profession I am concerned more then ever of the possibility of committing malpractice. At my old firm, f- it, if I messed up it wasn't my ass, I was the new attorney, my partner would get the anal fissure before I did.
Now, shit, should I have emailed that, oops, did I tell that client everything he needs to know, I better follow that up with at least an email.
Last year, legal work from a poker table made sense to me, billable hour plus profit for me, now, probably not a good idea, probably, ok, no, bad idea.
The point of this is, nonlawyers have no idea how much by the balls they can have their attorney. Charge me a little too much (or the right amount, no material difference), I am going to report you to the bar. Not return my phone calls, notify your carrier. It is like the middle school teacher being accused of rape when all he has done is give the bitch an F in the A, or B, just having too many people accuse of something wrong is enough.
So, I had a middle school teacher accused of having a conversation of a sexual nature and attempting to schedule a bit of loving wiht a ten year old girl online. Turns out, not a ten year old girl, instead, federal agents, but hey, both can type no hair anywhere and whatever else is good about ten year olds. One day, cops show up at school and escort the teacher away and the school distances themselves from the man. Only problem, not true, teacher did nothing wrong. First clue, guy was queer, oh well, they'll get it right next time.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Famous People 3: Robin Williams
Growing up, I was a huge fan of Robin Williams; I loved Toys, Aladdin and Planet of the Apes (he is hairy). Fisher King was a quality film and his accent wasnt that aweful in Goodwill Hunting. Patch Adams convinced me to go to law school instead of med school, so that was good for some patients.
I was visiting NYC and sipping coffee at Starbucks with the fiancee at the time and a friend. We were having our usual conversation of mocking asians, lawyers and jews. I look left and see a hairy man walk into Starbucks with what I assume was 15 year old asian boy. I pointed out what could have been Robin Williams to my friend. He thinks it is him, wife agrees, I look closer. The hairy man had purple hair a leathery face and just looked aweful. The asian boy was uncomfortably close to him. I shared these thoughts with the table.
- Dude, that's not Robin Williams, that guy is way too old. Purple freaking hair. Looks drunk, run down and what's with the asian boy toy.
The man walks quickly through the store, gets his order quickly and runs out of the store with the asian boy closely at hand.
As I went to get a slice of pumpkin bread I inquired if I was the only one who thought that man looked like a crappy version of the Fisher King. The barrista informed me that it was the Genie and that Mork came in almost every night to get his mocha whatever whatever.
A week later, Robin Williams checked into rehab. I like to think I had a hand in pushing him into improving his life.
I was visiting NYC and sipping coffee at Starbucks with the fiancee at the time and a friend. We were having our usual conversation of mocking asians, lawyers and jews. I look left and see a hairy man walk into Starbucks with what I assume was 15 year old asian boy. I pointed out what could have been Robin Williams to my friend. He thinks it is him, wife agrees, I look closer. The hairy man had purple hair a leathery face and just looked aweful. The asian boy was uncomfortably close to him. I shared these thoughts with the table.
- Dude, that's not Robin Williams, that guy is way too old. Purple freaking hair. Looks drunk, run down and what's with the asian boy toy.
The man walks quickly through the store, gets his order quickly and runs out of the store with the asian boy closely at hand.
As I went to get a slice of pumpkin bread I inquired if I was the only one who thought that man looked like a crappy version of the Fisher King. The barrista informed me that it was the Genie and that Mork came in almost every night to get his mocha whatever whatever.
A week later, Robin Williams checked into rehab. I like to think I had a hand in pushing him into improving his life.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Famous People 2: Jerry Rice
I had the joy of running into a few more famous people recently, or they were lucky to see me. In this post, I anger Jerry Rice in a better post soon I anger Robin Williams.
Mr. Rice was two or three groups in front of me playing at half moon bay's old course. Great course, I blew a 4 shot lead over the final two holes, I am awesome, but that's not that interesting.
We were a few minutes early to start our round, so we drove our carts to the first tee and did some practice putting just off the tee box. (Carts are gay, anger they make you use one sometimes on these posh courses). After a few minutes of putting I went back to the cart to grab my cell phone to see if somehow a real firm had magically gotten my number and called me to offer me a real job.
My douche friend who I was playing with points to a black person and says, hey that's jerry rice, I assume every black person I see is Obama or Will Smith so I disagreed.
The black man went into the clubhouse and came out a few moments later, sure enough, Jerry Rice. I asked him to sign my golf ball, but he probably just thought I said my balls(or maybe I congratulated him on winning the election) and drove off to the tee. As he was about to hit I realized my cart was facing the wrong direction so I began to back it up to make the turn towards our tee. Rice's tee shot sprayed right almost hitting a poor mexican man working on one of the homes surrounding the course. Jerry turned, glared at me, muttered, got into his cart and drove off to his ball. I felt good about myself.
Mr. Rice was two or three groups in front of me playing at half moon bay's old course. Great course, I blew a 4 shot lead over the final two holes, I am awesome, but that's not that interesting.
We were a few minutes early to start our round, so we drove our carts to the first tee and did some practice putting just off the tee box. (Carts are gay, anger they make you use one sometimes on these posh courses). After a few minutes of putting I went back to the cart to grab my cell phone to see if somehow a real firm had magically gotten my number and called me to offer me a real job.
My douche friend who I was playing with points to a black person and says, hey that's jerry rice, I assume every black person I see is Obama or Will Smith so I disagreed.
The black man went into the clubhouse and came out a few moments later, sure enough, Jerry Rice. I asked him to sign my golf ball, but he probably just thought I said my balls(or maybe I congratulated him on winning the election) and drove off to the tee. As he was about to hit I realized my cart was facing the wrong direction so I began to back it up to make the turn towards our tee. Rice's tee shot sprayed right almost hitting a poor mexican man working on one of the homes surrounding the course. Jerry turned, glared at me, muttered, got into his cart and drove off to his ball. I felt good about myself.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Prop 8
As a straight man I feel my opinion on gay marriage is as relevant as my opinion on a woman's right to choose, hunter's right to hunt or priest's right to touch. (for the record yes, yes, yes, no)
Anyways, my opinion on gay marriage makes no difference and should be as much part of the debate as paris hilton's view on anything but green lit porn with raccoon eyes.
Still, I do not get it. How can we not take the opportunity to tax the shit out of those section of the population. The gays as anatomy has taught us, can not reproduce without the help of science. Most of the gays therefore do not waste their money on things like diapers, college, abortions or therapy for the touching. They have nicer houses, nicer cars, better clothes and can afford to eat only organic foie gras or whatever they may want. The reasons gays are into such weird shit is that they can afford the nicest leather pants and the therapy it takes to get over whatever caused boy george.
We should let these people marry so we have a way of tracking who they are and levying a nonkids tax on anyone who marries someone of the same sex. Gays gets bumped up to a higher bracket unless they adopt or do whatever else those people do to get kids. redistribute the wealth from those smart enough not to have kids to those who do reproduce. I guess there is the problem of what to do with straight people who dont reproduce, but we can ignore that problem.
Or we can just grant people the right to marry another individual of any sex, or at the very least do away with a civil "marriage" and rename all civil unions just that civil unions. Religions can marry all they want whoever they want, but the only kind of union the state recognizes is the civil union between two consenting adults, wow, I am brilliant. Glad I can overshadow this keen insight with a bad catholic and abortion joke.
Anyways, my opinion on gay marriage makes no difference and should be as much part of the debate as paris hilton's view on anything but green lit porn with raccoon eyes.
Still, I do not get it. How can we not take the opportunity to tax the shit out of those section of the population. The gays as anatomy has taught us, can not reproduce without the help of science. Most of the gays therefore do not waste their money on things like diapers, college, abortions or therapy for the touching. They have nicer houses, nicer cars, better clothes and can afford to eat only organic foie gras or whatever they may want. The reasons gays are into such weird shit is that they can afford the nicest leather pants and the therapy it takes to get over whatever caused boy george.
We should let these people marry so we have a way of tracking who they are and levying a nonkids tax on anyone who marries someone of the same sex. Gays gets bumped up to a higher bracket unless they adopt or do whatever else those people do to get kids. redistribute the wealth from those smart enough not to have kids to those who do reproduce. I guess there is the problem of what to do with straight people who dont reproduce, but we can ignore that problem.
Or we can just grant people the right to marry another individual of any sex, or at the very least do away with a civil "marriage" and rename all civil unions just that civil unions. Religions can marry all they want whoever they want, but the only kind of union the state recognizes is the civil union between two consenting adults, wow, I am brilliant. Glad I can overshadow this keen insight with a bad catholic and abortion joke.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
My brush with fame
I was traveling across the country recently and since I was on US Airways I was both late and required to go through Charlotte. As I was walking from terminal A to B past the piano player in the concourse I saw a man in the distance. A man we all have seen naked even if we don't admit to it.
The Hedgehog, Ron Jeremy, my jewish brother, was walking my way. We stopped under the monitors. I said hello, he said hi, I wished him a happy new year (rosh hashona), he responded in kind. We smiled a knowing smile. By this time there was a large crowd staring at us. The girls trying to deny they knew who he was to their boyfriends and husbands. Well, the real ending to the story is we smiled at each other once more and both went on our ways.
The ending I like to believe could have happened if I had been just a bit more aggressive is he asked me if I had considered a career in adult films and I had to decline because I valued my marriage too much.
The other ending that would have worked is if he farted really loudly at just that moment. Alas, we just had a pleasant jew to jew minute conversation, I'll do better next time.
The Hedgehog, Ron Jeremy, my jewish brother, was walking my way. We stopped under the monitors. I said hello, he said hi, I wished him a happy new year (rosh hashona), he responded in kind. We smiled a knowing smile. By this time there was a large crowd staring at us. The girls trying to deny they knew who he was to their boyfriends and husbands. Well, the real ending to the story is we smiled at each other once more and both went on our ways.
The ending I like to believe could have happened if I had been just a bit more aggressive is he asked me if I had considered a career in adult films and I had to decline because I valued my marriage too much.
The other ending that would have worked is if he farted really loudly at just that moment. Alas, we just had a pleasant jew to jew minute conversation, I'll do better next time.
Friday, November 14, 2008
only in vegas
This honestly happened. I was in Vegas this past weekend (first time I have ever been since july). I won a large hand off a lady at imperial palace. As she pushed her chips into the middle she offered me a view of her breasts in lieu of the chips. She was 70.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Advice to McCain
With voting starting in 12 hours or so I have some advice for the great Senator from Arizona. McCain is a maverick and a gambler; what he needs to do is have President Bush and Vice President Cheney come out and endorse Obama tonight during the football game and on all of the morning "news" programs.
It is the only way to save our country from a president who is half terrorist and half socialist.
It is the only way to save our country from a president who is half terrorist and half socialist.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)