Senator Larry Craig is in a bit of trouble these days. He attempted to get some lovin' in a minneapolis airport bathroom stall. The partner he wanted to tango with happened to be an officer on a sting. Hilarity has ensued.
People are caught up in the notion that there is a problem with his anti-gay stance but very gay wants. As we thought when we were 14 and everyone thought being gay was awful, whoever was loudest about hating the gays usually was the gay.
The real benefit of this story is what we have learned about soliciting sex in a bathroom stall. CNN reported that "the officer says that he was in a stall adjacent to Senator Craig's stall, Senator Craig made some tapping gestures with his foot, and then rammed his hand under the bottom of the stall." CNN went on to explain that this is how you get the attention of your lewd sex partner.
Now, I have to think back to every time I have been in a public restroom and just thought the person next to me was anxious and wanted some more toilet paper.
I also wonder if when you are soliciting lewd conduct in a public restroom whether or not it is bad form to actually take a poop and if you do take the poop how do you communicate that, yes, you want lewd gay sex, but you need your partner to wait a few moments while you wipe yourself.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Bar Exam Part 2
I had the wonderful opportunity a month ago to take my second bar exam. I have decided to turn this into an annual thing and will be taking a third state's bar exam in '08 unless of course I failed Florida and then I will be returning to the greater Tampa Bay area and retaking that test.
The second time around was alot less nerve racking then the first. I hoped that I could make the first time experience for the people sitting near me in the bar exam and waiting in line around me far more interesting. I figured I wasnt well enough prepared to guaranty passing so I might as well try to bring others down to my level.
When I took the cali bar I had a nice older gentleman who was already practicing in Oregon tell me not to worry that there were alot of dumbasses in the room and that since I had found my seat on my own and dressed myself with very few flaws that I was very likely going to pass. It is a test of minimum competency, getting the top grade means you studied too much. His advice was helpful, that and studying for 4 weeks straight probably were the reasons I passed.
My advice to the first timers near me in Tampa was similar in that it came from a human's mouth. The guy in front of me in line was sweating profusely. I asked him why he was nervous, he tried to play it off that it was hot, I pointed out that I am not a physical specimen and am a jew so therefore I sweat pretty much at the first sign of humidity, movement or spicy food. I told him that in the state he was in he had no chance of passing. That people far smarter then him had failed the test and really he should consider another career field. Unfortunately the guy in front of him overheard my comments laughed and then corrected me, hatred. The guy in front of him was a dwarfish jewish man and filled me with hate, I hope he failed miserably. I dont care how the sweaty kid did, if the bar screws with him that much I dont know what chance he would have in a courtroom.
The man sitting next to me in the exam was a kind man in his early 30s taking his second bar exam as well. I tried to convince him the first essay was on professional responsibility but he didnt bite. So, I found a kid who used to go to my high school wandering the convention center and convinced him the property law question really dealt with easements and not conveyances. Since, allegedly I practice this type of law for money he had no choice but to believe me and to start to sob. I enjoyed his tears since I never really knew him 10 years ago and figured he must have been a stuckup brat like most the people at my private institution. His family makes cigars, cigars cause cancer, cancer causes death, he kills babies.
So, I hope the babykiller failed. I hope I passed.
Anyhow, I hope I passed the Florida Bar since I missed out on some fun trips and nights out to study for it; not counting the billable hours I missed accruing. It will be worth it in the end if I can reach the status of my mentor and be licensed in california and a second state but yet have no intention of ever practicing in the second state. That fool really is a hero to all of us.
The second time around was alot less nerve racking then the first. I hoped that I could make the first time experience for the people sitting near me in the bar exam and waiting in line around me far more interesting. I figured I wasnt well enough prepared to guaranty passing so I might as well try to bring others down to my level.
When I took the cali bar I had a nice older gentleman who was already practicing in Oregon tell me not to worry that there were alot of dumbasses in the room and that since I had found my seat on my own and dressed myself with very few flaws that I was very likely going to pass. It is a test of minimum competency, getting the top grade means you studied too much. His advice was helpful, that and studying for 4 weeks straight probably were the reasons I passed.
My advice to the first timers near me in Tampa was similar in that it came from a human's mouth. The guy in front of me in line was sweating profusely. I asked him why he was nervous, he tried to play it off that it was hot, I pointed out that I am not a physical specimen and am a jew so therefore I sweat pretty much at the first sign of humidity, movement or spicy food. I told him that in the state he was in he had no chance of passing. That people far smarter then him had failed the test and really he should consider another career field. Unfortunately the guy in front of him overheard my comments laughed and then corrected me, hatred. The guy in front of him was a dwarfish jewish man and filled me with hate, I hope he failed miserably. I dont care how the sweaty kid did, if the bar screws with him that much I dont know what chance he would have in a courtroom.
The man sitting next to me in the exam was a kind man in his early 30s taking his second bar exam as well. I tried to convince him the first essay was on professional responsibility but he didnt bite. So, I found a kid who used to go to my high school wandering the convention center and convinced him the property law question really dealt with easements and not conveyances. Since, allegedly I practice this type of law for money he had no choice but to believe me and to start to sob. I enjoyed his tears since I never really knew him 10 years ago and figured he must have been a stuckup brat like most the people at my private institution. His family makes cigars, cigars cause cancer, cancer causes death, he kills babies.
So, I hope the babykiller failed. I hope I passed.
Anyhow, I hope I passed the Florida Bar since I missed out on some fun trips and nights out to study for it; not counting the billable hours I missed accruing. It will be worth it in the end if I can reach the status of my mentor and be licensed in california and a second state but yet have no intention of ever practicing in the second state. That fool really is a hero to all of us.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Politics to a 10 Year Old
I rarely have the opportunity to spend quality time with 10 year olds, no, I am not on a sexual predator list. My path just does not normally cross with the kiddies.
Recently, I had the opportunity to have a heart to heart with a lovely 10 year old girl, I am sure she told me her name, but it didnt matter to me, so let's call her Emily. somehow, Emily and I got to talking about politics, dont worry, there were other adults, or at least people in their 20's present.
Emily: My parents are voting for Hillary.
Pretty: Why's that?
Emily: We're democrats, I love Hillary.
Pretty: You know Hillary hates ice cream.
Emily: no way.
Pretty: It's true, she wants to outlaw icecream for children.
Emily: That's terrible, I hate her.
Pretty: Giuliani loves ice cream. Giuliani wants to give it to every little girl named Emily.
Emily: I love Julie Anni. I'm voting for her.
Pretty: You're 10, you cant vote.
Emily: Oh no! I hope I dont lose ice cream.
Emily went on to creatively curse Hillary, sort of like a hateful muppet, I think she threatened some sort of violence at one point, these kids today are aweful. I should help with Julie's campaign.
Recently, I had the opportunity to have a heart to heart with a lovely 10 year old girl, I am sure she told me her name, but it didnt matter to me, so let's call her Emily. somehow, Emily and I got to talking about politics, dont worry, there were other adults, or at least people in their 20's present.
Emily: My parents are voting for Hillary.
Pretty: Why's that?
Emily: We're democrats, I love Hillary.
Pretty: You know Hillary hates ice cream.
Emily: no way.
Pretty: It's true, she wants to outlaw icecream for children.
Emily: That's terrible, I hate her.
Pretty: Giuliani loves ice cream. Giuliani wants to give it to every little girl named Emily.
Emily: I love Julie Anni. I'm voting for her.
Pretty: You're 10, you cant vote.
Emily: Oh no! I hope I dont lose ice cream.
Emily went on to creatively curse Hillary, sort of like a hateful muppet, I think she threatened some sort of violence at one point, these kids today are aweful. I should help with Julie's campaign.
Vegas Lawyering
I am heading to vegas for work next week. Is it unprofessional to stay up the entire night before giving a deposition to play poker? If not, should I play downtown in some tournaments or just take up residence at one of the rooms on the strip? Life is full of difficult decisions. I guess I should work in prepping for the depo at some point in the trip. Re-raise.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
jewy wedding
I went to a lovely wedding over the past weekend. I am a big fan of the groom and think the bride will provide him with beautiful male children.
The problem with the wedding is that I did not have the opportunity to approve the guest list. I had not seen some of these people since high school. I know since high school I have matured and gotten fatter. I know that I am very little like the kid who couldnt wait to leave the preppy prison I had endured. So, my assumption was that these people had also evolved.
After a dinner friday night, a few of us took the groom to be to a fancy desesrt place, ordered some nice wine and hung out.
One of the guys who I had disliked since I was 12 joined us.
Groom's brother: always funny to kill a kitten
pretty: the microwave is great for that.
groom's friend: you could do the same with a dog.
pretty: you are heartless, how could you kill a dog?
ass: did you hear about the guy who microwaved his baby.
pretty: are you making a joke?
ass: no, this really happened, I saw it on the news.
pretty: (dumbfounded look) what's wrong with you?
later on.
groom's friend: So, ass, what do you do?
ass: I supervise RA's
pretty: so you are still in college?
ass: no, I live in the dorm and help with life in the dorms.
pretty: oh, that's cool, so you get to take advantage of the freshman girls and boys.
ass: no, I would get fired if I tried anything with the freshman girls.
pretty: or boys
groom's brother: they're over 18, cmon ass, dont shy away from the only way you are going to get some.
ass: I like my job, it isnt worth it for some little girl.
pretty: or boy.
ass: anyways, I am dating a lovely girl
pretty: or boy
groom's brother: ya, she seemed nice
pretty: she seemed like she ate a nice girl.
ass: cmon, thats mean, I am not good looking and I really cant do much better.
pretty: ya, I can see that. you really cant get a girl.
groom: or boy.
The problem with the wedding is that I did not have the opportunity to approve the guest list. I had not seen some of these people since high school. I know since high school I have matured and gotten fatter. I know that I am very little like the kid who couldnt wait to leave the preppy prison I had endured. So, my assumption was that these people had also evolved.
After a dinner friday night, a few of us took the groom to be to a fancy desesrt place, ordered some nice wine and hung out.
One of the guys who I had disliked since I was 12 joined us.
Groom's brother: always funny to kill a kitten
pretty: the microwave is great for that.
groom's friend: you could do the same with a dog.
pretty: you are heartless, how could you kill a dog?
ass: did you hear about the guy who microwaved his baby.
pretty: are you making a joke?
ass: no, this really happened, I saw it on the news.
pretty: (dumbfounded look) what's wrong with you?
later on.
groom's friend: So, ass, what do you do?
ass: I supervise RA's
pretty: so you are still in college?
ass: no, I live in the dorm and help with life in the dorms.
pretty: oh, that's cool, so you get to take advantage of the freshman girls and boys.
ass: no, I would get fired if I tried anything with the freshman girls.
pretty: or boys
groom's brother: they're over 18, cmon ass, dont shy away from the only way you are going to get some.
ass: I like my job, it isnt worth it for some little girl.
pretty: or boy.
ass: anyways, I am dating a lovely girl
pretty: or boy
groom's brother: ya, she seemed nice
pretty: she seemed like she ate a nice girl.
ass: cmon, thats mean, I am not good looking and I really cant do much better.
pretty: ya, I can see that. you really cant get a girl.
groom: or boy.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
first blog
As a young and dashingly handsome attorney I have run into a common theme when confronting older, more experienced, less attractive attorneys. That theme is, they have been practicing law a good deal longer. This is relevant because they therefore know alot more then I do. They really enjoy pointing this fact out during any conversation you have with them.
A normal conversation with these attorneys goes something like this:
me "your client has violated the contract, specific performance is required in this case involving real property." (I sound very intelligent and use big lawyer words like "case")
old attorney "No, read what is written, (reads back a portion of the contract)"
me "Exactly, there is a contract and your client violated it."
old attorney "dont interrupt me, I have been working in this field for over 30 years and I would not take this case if I were you."
me "I appreciate your advice, but your client is in the wrong, we should mediate to save our clients money and time"
old attorney "fine, we can mediate, but now that you mention it, my client had a reason to withdraw from the contract. I did not mention this before because I have 30 years of experience."
Today the judge got into the act and told the opposing attorney how good he was and how honest he was just as the attorney was mischaracterizing a conversation I had had with him.
Luckily for me I can always fall back on my looks.
A normal conversation with these attorneys goes something like this:
me "your client has violated the contract, specific performance is required in this case involving real property." (I sound very intelligent and use big lawyer words like "case")
old attorney "No, read what is written, (reads back a portion of the contract)"
me "Exactly, there is a contract and your client violated it."
old attorney "dont interrupt me, I have been working in this field for over 30 years and I would not take this case if I were you."
me "I appreciate your advice, but your client is in the wrong, we should mediate to save our clients money and time"
old attorney "fine, we can mediate, but now that you mention it, my client had a reason to withdraw from the contract. I did not mention this before because I have 30 years of experience."
Today the judge got into the act and told the opposing attorney how good he was and how honest he was just as the attorney was mischaracterizing a conversation I had had with him.
Luckily for me I can always fall back on my looks.
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