my two moms

My wife has a cousin who has two moms. His mother's are jewish lesbians. The kid is not as awful as I normally make him out to be, but you have to cut him some slack, he has two jewish moms, the guilt and nagging must be excrutiating.

8 years ago, wife and I, at the time she was girlfriend not wife, I think I may have even called her by her real name back then, went to DC. We stayed with her aunts. Her aunts thought it was a great idea for their little child to hang out with us and go into the city. After a day with a hyper 7 year old I was done. The thing never shut up and constantly wanted us to buy it stuff and food. The kid could eat. What the could could not do was shut up, we played the quiet game, he lost quickly.

I have seen him a few times over the years, I went to his bar mitzvah or as a wise man termed it, the cult of child worship. I think he was at my wedding and his moms are plenty nice even if they think I am a moron.

Well, all the grandchildren were in the limo on the way to the funeral of the great dr. al. I was in the grandchildren limo since the wife is a grandchild and the old guy was pretty awesome.

After the festivities were over we were heading back to the house for what I assumed was food and remembering. For some reason we started talking about that trip to DC many years ago. I told the now 15 year old that after spending that day with him I no longer wanted children. He responded, after spending that day with you I no longer wanted a father.

minneapolis

We did not quite keep up the blogging daily from europe pace we had set out early to do, but that does not mean we did not have a great time.

Sadly a week or so after returning grandfather dr. al passed and we are now in minneapolis for a little while.

Being here has allowed us to spend time with wife's family.

Tonight around 1130 we learned that there was no milk. mama greggy wanted milk in the morning. So wife her brother and I set out on a journey to find milk.

First we drove to walgreens, alas, walgreens was closed. We took a left then realized that this may not be the right way to go to get to the grocery store. The brother turned around. As he turned left heading back towards what we hoped was the right direction he noticed a cop in the rear view mirror. Wife turned around to make sure the cop knew we were not scary looking. I encouraged the brother to slam on the gas and get us out of there.

A few moments later, the cop's lights went on and brother was pulled over. brother turned off the car and realized that the 1986 celebrity's power windows did not work when the light was turned off. He had to open the door for the cop, luckily, he was not shot. The cop asked for his license and the registration of the car. Luckily again the registration was in the glove compartment. The cop also asked for my id and the wife's id. Being a woman, wife did not have her id on her.

The cop took our IDs back to his car with our story that the car was the car of the late dr. al and that we were not joyriding in the classic celebrity.

A few minutes later the cop came to the back seat where wife was. She had to open the door since again, no automatic windows. The cop then pulled her out of the car and handcuffed her. Okay, that's not true. He just wrote down her name and then figured out how we were all connected to each other and that really, all that had been done was brother had made a uturn in minnesotta, well he claims it was not a uturn. We got a warning, we left. It seems that brother was so shaken by the experience that he started to release gas that made me stick my head out of the window like a dog.

We got to the grocery store right as the lights were being turned off. We drove around looking for an open gas station, strictly obeying all the traffic rules.

No milk, sorry mama greggy.

Espana dia dos y tres

dia dos

we went to meetup with a "free" tour of madrid, the free people never showed which is lucky since wife was late coming back from helado. I did not tell her the free madrid people were a noshow for at least an hour to make her feel bad, I am good person. After the nontour we wandered over to the prado museum. since it is free after 6 we walked up to the park behind the museum to kill time (park retiro) and enjoyed the sights wandering around to the crystal house that was closed for no evident reason. had a beer went to the museum. Saw paintings by velazquez, goya, greco, reubens. mang (wife's favorite) and others. It turns out there are at least 246 ways to paint jesus and/or his mom.

After the museum we had tapas and wandered the city. We ended up at the royal palace and walked by a beautiful concert in the garden near by. We wandered some more got on the train and went back home.

Dia tres or as I like to call it, today.

We got up at the crack of noon and took the metro down to the train station. Eventually I figured out how to buy a ticket to toledo. Toledo is a weird place. They promote it as a city that had three cultures living peacefully together. Even a cursory knowledge of history makes their promotion seem ridiculous. I guess there were a few years here or there that three got along, probably when they had to defend themselves from a common enemy. The place has a way of glossing over the inquisition and the other awful stuff before and after that. In Toledo we went to the sephardic museum. It is a bit odd to see your people put on display as a museum. I had to remind myself that yes, we jews are still around since seeing a yamulke and prayer book behind glass and a brief explanation of what they are would seem to suggest that they were some sort of relic. We topped off the trip to toledo by getting lost in the city, seeing some other random sights and having some great middle eastern food.

We came back to madrid tried again to do a "free" trip, this time a pub crawl, needless to say, no one showed up. We went and had a few beers of our own and ended up staying out past the bus service. We tried to hop on the metro, but the metro stops close to us were shut down for maintenance. A map and a few miles later we got on the metro, the bonus was that while it took an hour longer to get home at least we did not have to switch lines.

Tomorrow we meet the pueblo ingles people for lunch and finish up our stay in madrid.

version de esposa on toledo

all the buildings we saw were from the 1200s to the 1500s, there were don quixote cervantes statutes and bars all around. The fortifications and the sheer number of cultures that had lived there was very interesting. We took a train around the perimeter and got some stories of the history. Other than that, my husband is absolutely correct on everything he wrote.

Espana dia uno

Last night we left miami flew over to spain on what we thought was a made up airline until the inlaws dropped us off at the airport. There were very few americans on the flight. Turns out neither wife nor I remember much of our high school english, taking hebrew in college was a huge waste.

We landed around noon, breezed through customs got to our hotel and took advantage of the spanish tradition of siesta. At around 7 we headed down to the main part of madrid wandered around bought wife a sweater had some tapas and went to a flamenco show. Wife loved the flamenco show, I enjoyed the music part of it but felt awkward staring at the man who was smaller than I was at 8.

We metrod back to the hotel. dia uno completoed.

version de esposa

Landing in Madrid was very scenic, with lots of big trees and farms.We've met nice and laid back people, who helped us along as we were struggling through Spanish since most Spaniards don't speak English.

The weather right now is perfect - 70's and not windy. It was awesome stepping out of the metro station into a bustling plaza surrounded by old, charming buildings. We kept walking from plaza to plaza with cafes outside. The locals really started coming out around 9pm for dinner. We ate outside and had jamon iberica (Iberian ham, tasty and lean) and croquettas, two must-haves from the area. Delicious food, but mostly meat, potatoes and bread. I already miss fruit and vegetables, but will make an effort to have some eventually.

We went to a Flamenco show at 10:30pm. It was the first time I'd seen a man do flamenco dancing, and it was powerful and dramatic, but also fun to see how much he enjoyed himself. We learned the performers are all gypsies who grew up dancing, singing, or playing guitar for flamenco. Apparently in Spain you can't really perform Flamenco without having grown up learning it.

Finally we're able to get a full night's sleep tonight!

Golf at Poplar

I played golf at Poplar a local course not too long ago, it is a fun little course that many locals play, many of the people where I live are asian. It was a Wednesday afternoon, I met a friend and we were planning on playing 18. I hadn't played in a while but it was a nice day, the round was pretty cheap and the course is fairly easy with very little penalty for slicing or hooking the drive (meaning all of the fairways are wide and if you miss too badly you are in another hole's fairway and can just hit from there).

As I got ready to tee off an older gentleman pulls his hand cart up and introduces himself and tells us he will be joining us. That sucks, but he seems nice enough, so it will just prolong the round a bit, but no big deal.

I lined up, hit a drive 240 yards but pushed it left onto the adjoining fairway. After I hit the shot a tall skinny guy wearing sunglasses about my age walked up and said he was joining our group as well. Very annoying.

Everyone tees off, I track down my ball, line up with my fairway wood, hit it another 210 straight, but of course straight means down the middle of the other fairway. I hit it almost into an older man on the tee box of the hole I should not have been on. I yell fore, but to no avail. Luckily the ball narrowly misses the man. The man is plenty angry when I walk past him, he admonishes me for not yelling fore. The tall young man is with me and I make it clear to the older gentleman that I did yell fore and that I was sorry he couldn't hear me. I then tell the young man that it is odd that the old man was not asian as usually on this course all of the other people playing are asian. He laughed a little bit, I explained how odd it was to see how few asians were actually on the course today. I walked up to my ball and tried to chip it onto the green.

A few holes go by where I have varying success, but I keep coming back to the Asians not being there. By this time I have figured out that the young man is asian. He is either asian or a methhead, since he is just way too skinny for his height and he has a very faint accent.

The 6th hole is this ridiculously short par 4. It is about 260 to the green. I was second to hit but the group ahead of us was still on the green. Against my better sense I went ahead and hit my drive. The drive landed in the sand trap just short of the green. I laughed a bit then stated that it was odd the people on the green were not asian, I wonder if all the older asian men are on holiday or if they are at older asian man church.

The young man, waiting to take his next drive, rips off his sunglasses displaying asian eyes. He raises his driver and tells me to lay off the asian comments. I reply, first, you don't need a driver on this hole, I mean look where I hit it, second, no fucking way, they're funny.

He seethed, hit his drive (hooked it and was about 40 yards shot of mine). He reiterated that I should shut up, I replied that no, if they weren't funny I would try harder, but that I am not racist and will make fun of jews too if that will make him feel better. He storms off to his ball. I stop at my friend's ball since he had hit a pretty crappy shot 100 yards or so behind mine. The asian man kept walking, went into the sand trap and grabbed my ball as well. He continued his march and went back to the 4th hole to play by himself. The older man inquired what he was doing and he said that he did not want to deal with an asshole like me. After my friend hit his shot I dropped a ball where he took it from, put it on the green and 2 putted for par. As I got on the green I told the older man how glad I was that the asian guy was asian and not arab as now I did not have to fear for my safety.

Bay

So, I get downstairs to what can best be described as a holding cell. Stan is sitting on a bench. There are a few security guys standing around then another few guys in suits. Stan's wallet is sitting in a plastic container on the other side of the room. The suited man who had been in a yelling contest with me in the poker tournament demanded my wallet. I told him no fucking way. I let him know that I would not give him my ID and that he would have to go into my pockets and get it if he wanted it and that we both knew he was not going to do that. He then asked why I was down there. I told him, they brought me here, let me grab my friend and his wallet and get out of here. They said no, but you better get out of here. I told him that I wanted to stay to protect my friend's rights. They said that if I did not leave by the count of 3 they would have me arrested for disorderly conduct. I laughed and told them they were full of crap. Stan though encouraged me to leave after the count of 2. At 2 I told them I was taking my friend's wallet and he was coming with me, they had other ideas. Two of the bigger security guards grabbed me and manhandled me out of the holding cell.

The older security guard reiterated at this point that I should just be quiet and nothing would happen. I pointed out that nothin had happened, but I wanted to know what would happen to Stan. The older security guard told me they would keep him there for 10-15 minutes try to intimidate him a bit then ban him from the mandalay bay and maybe all MGM properties. I was escorted out of the building near a taxi stand. I stood there for 10-15 minutes talking with the security guards, one came with the older gentleman and a third showed up on a bike. They wanted me to get in a taxi right away and I made it clear I was not going without my friend even though again they threatened to call the cops for disorderly conduct. Again, I decided it was a prudent time to mention I was an attorney and I knew they were full of crap. Eventually the three of them softened, I mean around me, who can stay mad. We were joking around and having a good time. After fifteen minutes they left saying, ya, this was a waste of our time and went away. I stood around for another 10 minutes or so getting a little ancy. I found out that if a cop car had come the cop would have had to walk right by where I was so that made me a little less concerned. I figured the worst they were going to do was push him around a bit and threaten to have him arrested for something or another.

Finally, out comes Stan followed by 6-9 people. The suited man who liked to yell was there with another few security guards. I grabbed Stan, pushed him into a taxi. The security guards were shouting that I better do that which made me want to not leave, but I was already sitting down and I am lazy. Stan was yelling angrily at the guards and the suited man. He then started commenting that he did not know where his money was. I had the cab stop. One of the taxi people was like, fuck ya, what's going on. The suited man said the money was in his pocket. Stan checked and most of the money was in his pocket (so if they took any, they were smart about it and did not take more then a few hundred out of the massive amount of cash Stan had on him).

I thanked the taxi stand guy, closed the door and the cab driver drove us back to the venetian. Stan had missed his flight and I had to communicate to his wife what was going on. Stan eventually joined us for dinner, booked a flight for early in the morning. Dinner was filled with hangover references. Stan gave some of the details of what happened while he was in the cell:

They moved him into a few different rooms. They would grab his arm and twist on his skin when he mentioned that he was an attorney they became even more physical with him. they yelled at him then left him alone then yelled at him some more. At one point he got one of the quieter security guys attention and started pleading to be told what he had done wrnog and how he could get them to stop so he could just leave. By the time he left he was very riled up. Stan is a rather mild mannered guy so I tend to believe him that they were less then cordial in the backroom.

I enjoyed being harrassed by the security and got a good laugh at their attempts to intimdate me, but I think they had a little more to lean on Stan about since he had been cursing and was rather drunk, still, not sure why there was so much effort put into treating him so horribly. For me, it was awesome, I would love to go through it again, it is not a surprise to anyone who knows me that I would enjoy and be entertained by this.

It has been over a month since it happened and I am really glad it did. I have not gambled since that trip and it is a great story of my last poker hand, getting dealt aces but being sent down to a holding cell before I got to play them.

Mandalay

I must apologize upfront, this post does not give what happened justice. I have tried to recreate this story a few times since it happened sunday night, but I just have failed. I end each telling of the story and begin each telling of the story the same way. It was so awesome.

I guess it began at lunch at the Burger bar in between mandalay bay and luxor. My friend and I, let's call him Stan decided to split a pitcher of beer, then another one while enjoying our fantastic burgers with two other friends. Stan is a bit hard of hearing, so I do not know if he heard my request to share the pitchers, but it worked out. After multiple trips to the bathroom and watching the end of the first half of the jets-chargers game we wandered mandalay bay poker room. The details at this point are hazy. Not sure how I ended up sitting next to Stan after one of the other guys had left and the other guy was at the table too. I think I recall giving my car keys to one of them and one of them leaving in a huff, none of that is important.

Over the next, well I have no idea how long, Stan and I played low limit poker in a manner fitting those with immense knowledge of the game and an immense amount of alcohol. For some reason they kept bringing us more and more jameson. Stan would make raises and calls with not so good cards, win huge hands, lose huge hands and really not care. I asked people at the table some of my favorite questions and made some of my favorite comments.

Okay, I am just not getting to the point.

Stan started to get warned for his language. He could not hear the warnings. Eventually, the manager of the poker room came and made the dealer stop dealing him cards. I played a hand or two while I helped stack his chips up so we could leave. All of the sudden, a large angry man approaches the table, I look at my hand. I have aces. He forcibly grabs my hand, puts the cards back in the middle and says I have to leave. I stood up, asked him what the fuck he was doing and what was going on. He told me if I did not leave he would have the small security guy to my left read something to me. I asked him what I did wrong and what rational reason he had for me to leave. He cuts me off, asks his small security guard to read to me the piece of paper. I can only catch every few words. I finally heard some. The paper outlined the process for me getting thrown out of the casino. I had two more warnings then they would ask me to leave the premises. I asked if I could read the paper so I could better understand it, they wouldn't let me. I asked again, ok, that's it, get your chips together, the security will escort you to get your money. I started laughing at that point. I looked down counted my friend's money and grabbed my money as the small guard grabbed my arm. I told him to stop touching me and that I was making sure I got all my money. They were calling to another guard asking to get a wheelchair to help A second older guard joined me in walking to the cage to get my cash. I started asking again to read the paper. Still, not allowed to. I keep asking and trying to figure out why my friend cursing a little too much has escalated to this. The older guard tells me that if I just keep quiet and take my money there is no problem. I ask about my friend, wandering why he isn't behind me.

The small guy says, well, your partner is downstairs. My first response was, what the fuck? My partner? I made it clear I had a friend not a partner, not gay or cheating, just better then the other players even drunk. The small guy seems to appreciate the little humor. My two guards seem to have let their guard down. As I was getting my money, thinking, crap, would've been nice to play those aces.

Just as I thought things were getting better on my end, I tell them how much I would like to have played my aces. The small guy says, well, we could send you to jail for disorderly conduct. I told him, jackass, I am an attorney, you can't pull that crap on me. Where the hell is my friend, take me downstairs so I can help him out since he is probably too drunk to figure out he doesnt have to put up with your crap. They obliged and led me downstairs, to the place I only read about in bringing down the house. So, that's where hte story gets good, I figure you didn't read this far, so I'll stop and start the rest in a post in the next day or so.

Supreme

I took a trip back east last month. Part of the trip was going to the Surpeme Court for an argument. The argument was about Florida, rich people, their beachfront property, erosion, the government trying to fight the erosion and property rights. or as Judge Alito put it, Spring break parties in front of mansions where the ocean used to be. I was struck by a number of things on my visit:

1) I can walk into even holy government builidngs just by smiling and looking like I belong. That and actually belonging helped. Just by saying, hey, I should be in the front of the line got me to the front of the line, but in the end, not bein able to folllow simple directions to get to an office and pick up my tickets made me 20 minutes late. I don't think I missed much unless the judge get introduced as they stride to their seats and don their robes. Eventually I got in after circling the buidling twice with my friend and hearing about his non HIV exploits (he has been working in Africa for a while and I assumed he had gotten AIDS by being there). Eventually we made it into the courtroom.

2) There is a picture of Muhammed on the awning on both sides of the interior of the Courtroom itself. All the great lawgivers are up there and Muhammed is clearly there with his weapon and a book and the outfit. I think it is a bad idea to mention this as to not anger the muslims, but he's there and he's beautiful.

3) Judges are funny, some of them crack jokes at the lawyer's expense or just make fun of the case in general. Clarence Thomas is laughing and having a great time the whole argument, he just isn't sharing the joke with anyone but Justice Breyer. I really wanted to give him a big bear hug, but I did not get to meet him.

After the argument we were able to get a behind the scenes tour. My clerk friend showed us his office, the basketball court and a few other places. I was hoping to meet Thomas or Sotomayer, but neither happened.

I did get to meet their clerks and some of the clerks from a number of other justices. Smart motivated people. I made my friend nervous by talking about jews when I met Ginsburg's clerks, but I usually can read a room and did not embarrass him too much. I had alot more to blog about right after it happened, but alas, I just didn't write up my brilliant thoughts until now, sorry.