biting of the tongue

Being a young attorney practicing litigation is not the most aweful thing. Other then that sinking feeling that you are leaching off the rest of the world and add no value and do nothing to prove the worth of your existence, there is also the problem that older attorneys and judges want to make your life as difficult as possible.

This week I had a judge give me a lesson in law. I learned that I should come to hearings completely prepared. Of course. Thanks. Who knew that completely prepared meant knowing what weekends in 2009 my boss would be available when the case by local rules is required to be heard by october 08. Obviously I should have known that rules are gay.

I am really smart, but really stupid.

Dancing Badly Across the World

Okay, some of the 3 readers of this blog may have already seen this link,

Not porn

It is oddly enjoyable and makes me want to leave my office, get on a plane, go see another culture, mock that culture, then go to another country and repeat.

Asian Drivers

So, I took the deposition of an asian woman about a car accident.

Just take a moment and soak that in.

I wanted to show that the asian lady was a bad driver, how could I possible have done that?

Pretty: Are you a woman?
Asian: Yes

Pretty: For the record, do your eyes slant?
Asian: Yes

Pretty: We're done here

public transportation

I am taking the BART to and from work now. I refuse to sit next to any Asian on the train. I also refuse to be near the queers. So basically, I stand in the corner shaking and farting.


Actually, when I was in New York on the subway, I stood right in front of a really hot girl and when she hid her cleavage I turned around and started talking to the friends I was with. A minute after turning around I let out a classic gift with my booty right in front of the girl's nose. She didn't move, I wanted to turn around and get a look at her face, but I thought it would be too obvious. As we got off at the next stop, I finally saw her still gasping for some fresh air.

Tiger Tiger Woods

Anyone who watched the end of the 4th round of the US Open had to just love it. Tiger makes me want to be half black/half asian/quarter cherokee/third jewish.

Post round, tiger, with a smile, says, ya, i took some pain killers to deal with that knee pain. Dude was hopped up on vicodin and still sank that sick putt.

In response to fool's post, I am really looking forward to alt tabbing between work and si.com.

With Child (not my wife, phew)

A friend of mine is pregnant. Her husband, a superior human being, is the father. It is a wonderful thing and the couple are two of my favorite people so the odds are high the kid will be great except for the fact that he will be a jew.

The couple had about 20 friends and family over for a poker tournament. They announced the pregnancy after everyone arrived 30 minutes after we got there. As soon as we got to bumblefuck jew jersey. I thought, crap, my friend's getting pudgy. The worry is she will become like her sister in law, I am really glad I didn't grab her, pick her up in a bear hug and throw her around; that or punch her in the stomach like I am keen to do.

Just as a note, the sister in law makes me look anorexic.

As another note, the sister in law reacted as you would expect, sat in a corner and sulked that people were paying attention to someone else and that she had to wait before she could eat another slice of cake.