Harken back to a more peaceful time, circa 2002, asians wearing masks, asians coughing, possible pandemic. SARS was far easier to deal with then the swine flu. It may be that I did not live in San Francisco at the time, but even in Boston I could avoid contact with Asians so I was not worried about catching whatever SARS was.
Now, crap, can you avoid Mexicans? Can you even tell who is Mexican and who is either well tanned or from Honduras or Nicaragua? I mean we gamble in Vegas how many Mexicans we will see handing out those flyers on our walks from casino A to casino B. (The over under can be as high as 110 depending on the length of the walk). The drawback to the bet is that really, how the hell do we know if the guy showing me how to get a lovely lady to my room in under 40 minutes is Mexican or El Salvadorian or even Phillipino? I even get mistaken for a mexican when I am abroad and tanned.
Crap, we're all going to die
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Baseball Game
I went to the A's Rays game last night with the wife. It was cold as Susan Boyle's hoohoo. We had amazing seats; 4 rows behind the first baseman. The first 2 and a half innings took over an hour and a half (the game mercifully lasted just over 3 hours). The Rays were up 6-0 (ended up winning 8-2); good times.
In the 4th inning the first baseman, Mr. Crosby (a 1st baseman batting 9th, A's are in trouble) fielded the 3rd out and before trotting back to his dugout tossed a ball into our portion of the stands. There were 3 little kids right in front of me. They had all been well behaved and were yelping like lapdogs as the ball left Crosby's hand. Each kid had a glove, as a self-respecting man, I did not have a glove at a baseball game (a 25yr old behind me did have a glove and I berated him about how that made him a woman or a sissy; to be fair, I tried to get wife to bring a glove since our seats were prime foul ball seats, but she passed).
As the ball got closer I readied myself to lunge over the little kids to catch the ball. I realized in that split second that I would then be giving up my biggest advantage, my height and size. The ball came down into the kid in front of me's gloves. As soon as I heard the ball and the fake leather combine I reached down into his glove and grabbed the ball. To see the look of horror, pain and disappointment on his face was the greatest satisfaction I have ever had. His tears gave me strength. If I had AIDS, his tears would have cured it.
After taking a picture with the ball and tormenting the child with how disappointed I was that he couldnt hold onto a light toss I gave the ball back to one of the other kids just so I could get some more tears. I mean really, what am I going to do with a baseball?
In the 4th inning the first baseman, Mr. Crosby (a 1st baseman batting 9th, A's are in trouble) fielded the 3rd out and before trotting back to his dugout tossed a ball into our portion of the stands. There were 3 little kids right in front of me. They had all been well behaved and were yelping like lapdogs as the ball left Crosby's hand. Each kid had a glove, as a self-respecting man, I did not have a glove at a baseball game (a 25yr old behind me did have a glove and I berated him about how that made him a woman or a sissy; to be fair, I tried to get wife to bring a glove since our seats were prime foul ball seats, but she passed).
As the ball got closer I readied myself to lunge over the little kids to catch the ball. I realized in that split second that I would then be giving up my biggest advantage, my height and size. The ball came down into the kid in front of me's gloves. As soon as I heard the ball and the fake leather combine I reached down into his glove and grabbed the ball. To see the look of horror, pain and disappointment on his face was the greatest satisfaction I have ever had. His tears gave me strength. If I had AIDS, his tears would have cured it.
After taking a picture with the ball and tormenting the child with how disappointed I was that he couldnt hold onto a light toss I gave the ball back to one of the other kids just so I could get some more tears. I mean really, what am I going to do with a baseball?
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
O BAAAM A
A police officer friend of mine was walking along Hunter's Point (that's where MLK Blvd is or would be in SF). He is walking his beat when a 14 yr old african child runs out and starts yelling, "We got you! We got you! O Bama! O BAAAM A! We got you!"
Racism is dead.
Racism is dead.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Boyle
I am sure Susan Boyle from the youtube and the england is a lovely lady, but really, she is not that ugly and not that talented. I do not see what the big deal is. This is a far better youtube clip and much more inspiring. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EYAUazLI9k
Or this: Asians
Worst Post Ever
Or this: Asians
Worst Post Ever
Friday, April 17, 2009
Clients suck
I like to believe I have some sort of relationship with reality, but I am jealous of Mr. Draper. Mad Men's beautiful man gets to fire clients when they do not buy into his pitches. I wish I could fire clients. I have so few of them that I can not afford to fire any of them for any reason short of asking me to commit malpractice (and even then, jk).
Still, when a client changes his mind whether or not to file bankruptcy 4 times and gives you a check that he emails you 20 minutes after giving it to you that it may bounce, you want to tell him where he can stick it (hint: in that new youtube les mes singer's ass). Instead, I tell him that until I get some actual money I can not do work on his case. Of course, that's a semi-bluff and I need him to come through with not only some money but some referrals.
I am better looking then Mr. Draper.
Still, when a client changes his mind whether or not to file bankruptcy 4 times and gives you a check that he emails you 20 minutes after giving it to you that it may bounce, you want to tell him where he can stick it (hint: in that new youtube les mes singer's ass). Instead, I tell him that until I get some actual money I can not do work on his case. Of course, that's a semi-bluff and I need him to come through with not only some money but some referrals.
I am better looking then Mr. Draper.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
How I passed college
My university required 4 semesters of a foreign language. I thought that was excessive and after my third semester of hebrew decided to sign up for the class and stop going. It was more that I was the only one in the class not fluent in the language and I have this intimate distaste of being the stupidest person in the room (except if it is with my wife, I am awesome).
I had the same Hebrew teacher 3 of the 4 semesters. I have always been a lovable guy even at 20 so the 40 year old Israeli lady had an apparent effection for me. While I am incredibly good looking, the though of an older lady wanting some of this did not cross my mind in my younger days (now I think every 60 year old wants me).
A few days before the final I moseyed into the teacher's office hours. We exchanged pleasantries. She quickly got to the point; mentioning she missed having me in class and wondering if I had any interest in taking the midterm or any of the other tests or quizzes from the semester. I explained that my taking those exams was fruitless, but that I would realy like to pass the course. She smiled and I took that as an invitation. I offered her a choice, I would either sleep with her or babysit her children for a passing grade.
Her smile got broader and she gave let a few moments of silence pass. She let a little giggle out then when I did not do anything (until now I did not even realize the signals she was giving me, I sucked) she gave me a counter offer. She offered me a passing grade if I showed up and took the final. I asked her for a B if I showed up and either babysat her or failed at pleasing her. She countered again with a B if I passed the final.
I quickly asked for the time and date of the final and was on my way. After studying for a few days I showed up. I have no idea what I got on the final, but I had a B+ on my transcript.
I had the same Hebrew teacher 3 of the 4 semesters. I have always been a lovable guy even at 20 so the 40 year old Israeli lady had an apparent effection for me. While I am incredibly good looking, the though of an older lady wanting some of this did not cross my mind in my younger days (now I think every 60 year old wants me).
A few days before the final I moseyed into the teacher's office hours. We exchanged pleasantries. She quickly got to the point; mentioning she missed having me in class and wondering if I had any interest in taking the midterm or any of the other tests or quizzes from the semester. I explained that my taking those exams was fruitless, but that I would realy like to pass the course. She smiled and I took that as an invitation. I offered her a choice, I would either sleep with her or babysit her children for a passing grade.
Her smile got broader and she gave let a few moments of silence pass. She let a little giggle out then when I did not do anything (until now I did not even realize the signals she was giving me, I sucked) she gave me a counter offer. She offered me a passing grade if I showed up and took the final. I asked her for a B if I showed up and either babysat her or failed at pleasing her. She countered again with a B if I passed the final.
I quickly asked for the time and date of the final and was on my way. After studying for a few days I showed up. I have no idea what I got on the final, but I had a B+ on my transcript.
Malpractice?
http://www.cartoonistgroup.com/properties/fuscobros/home.php
As I am now working on my own in the profession I am concerned more then ever of the possibility of committing malpractice. At my old firm, f- it, if I messed up it wasn't my ass, I was the new attorney, my partner would get the anal fissure before I did.
Now, shit, should I have emailed that, oops, did I tell that client everything he needs to know, I better follow that up with at least an email.
Last year, legal work from a poker table made sense to me, billable hour plus profit for me, now, probably not a good idea, probably, ok, no, bad idea.
The point of this is, nonlawyers have no idea how much by the balls they can have their attorney. Charge me a little too much (or the right amount, no material difference), I am going to report you to the bar. Not return my phone calls, notify your carrier. It is like the middle school teacher being accused of rape when all he has done is give the bitch an F in the A, or B, just having too many people accuse of something wrong is enough.
So, I had a middle school teacher accused of having a conversation of a sexual nature and attempting to schedule a bit of loving wiht a ten year old girl online. Turns out, not a ten year old girl, instead, federal agents, but hey, both can type no hair anywhere and whatever else is good about ten year olds. One day, cops show up at school and escort the teacher away and the school distances themselves from the man. Only problem, not true, teacher did nothing wrong. First clue, guy was queer, oh well, they'll get it right next time.
As I am now working on my own in the profession I am concerned more then ever of the possibility of committing malpractice. At my old firm, f- it, if I messed up it wasn't my ass, I was the new attorney, my partner would get the anal fissure before I did.
Now, shit, should I have emailed that, oops, did I tell that client everything he needs to know, I better follow that up with at least an email.
Last year, legal work from a poker table made sense to me, billable hour plus profit for me, now, probably not a good idea, probably, ok, no, bad idea.
The point of this is, nonlawyers have no idea how much by the balls they can have their attorney. Charge me a little too much (or the right amount, no material difference), I am going to report you to the bar. Not return my phone calls, notify your carrier. It is like the middle school teacher being accused of rape when all he has done is give the bitch an F in the A, or B, just having too many people accuse of something wrong is enough.
So, I had a middle school teacher accused of having a conversation of a sexual nature and attempting to schedule a bit of loving wiht a ten year old girl online. Turns out, not a ten year old girl, instead, federal agents, but hey, both can type no hair anywhere and whatever else is good about ten year olds. One day, cops show up at school and escort the teacher away and the school distances themselves from the man. Only problem, not true, teacher did nothing wrong. First clue, guy was queer, oh well, they'll get it right next time.
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